G BUILDING BY ANTHONY WILSON

Nov, 2024

         It's been 10 years now I have been in solitary confinement, "The Hole". It's been my first visit to the lockdown unit and the longest I have ever been locked down. During the past decade, I went from a guy who was extremely active to a man wanting to take his own life more often than not. Even played with a razor to my throat, just didn't have the heart to actually push it deep enough in to take my life at the time.

         While going through a mental malfunction of human sanity, there was not much to bring one back. The depressing colors of cells, the emptiness of being alone in the world, away from any social involvement, locked in a one-man cell.

         Most days are spent 24/7 in a cell, 3 days of yard, if not on any kind of institutional lockdown. You get 15-to-20-minute showers; the time varies cause most officers lets us shower at our own pace. Really, this is the most relaxing time of the days.

         Most days I suffer from loss of routine in an active day in general population: companionship of friends around me, the lack of recreation and exercise. Deprived of everything that gives life its meaning. Noises become alarms that wake you at all hours of the nights. Not even a noise you tend to understand but yet just annoyance from things we usually enjoyed like TV, conversations, debates, even arguments from guys, the bar fight for the amusement of it - to pass time by.

         I wonder at times how I have maintained as much mental stability as I have, seen how it has turned respected men into shit throwers, nasty unsanitary individuals who find this conduct to be actions of grown men. It is sick, demoralizing, dehumanizing to the rest of us that have to live in the conditions it forms in these housing units.

         The meals are cold due to our food being brought to us on a food cart in the building. This is a big part of why a long-term segregation convict's digestive system malfunctions and has problems. The human body is supposed to intake warm to hot meals regularly so the body can process the breakdown of it inside.

         A normal man shits at least once a day in regular daily routines. In the hole, most men after 6 months to a year only shit one to two times a week. This is why once released back out into an active environment in general population, the average man will drop 10 to 15 pounds within the first 6 weeks or so. The lack of activity also makes us lack hydration in our bodies. I ain't never been one to intake a whole lot of water. I drink more coffee than anything. This is a reason for one to be overly dehydrated upon extra movement and exercises of a normal routine.

         In the lockdown unit with minimal movement and exercise, the body also tends to hold toxins because our body detoxes through sweat. Without exercise, good hydration, the body doesn't sweat, causing bad toxins inside to cleanse through our pores.

         Excessive and long-term segregation confinement is very cruel and hard on an individual mentally, physically, and emotionally.