April 15th, 2026
Dear Trauma by Abby Eichorn is not an easy book to read. It’s about domestic violence — yes. But it’s also about surviving after an ex-boyfriend tried to kill her. This is a memoir that uncomfortably immerses the reader directly into the psychological and physical aftermath of domestic violence, forcing a confrontation with survival, identity, and what happens when you have to choose yourself in order to survive.
From the opening lines, “For most of this story, there were only three of us who lived the experiences, and only two of us are still living,” Eichorn creates a foreboding sense of fear.
The book examines a deeply complicated relationship: loving someone with “demons,” and the internal conflict that comes with walking away. Eichorn captures a disturbing reality that many people face: the guilt of choosing personal freedom over loyalty to someone who is unraveling. And her question of whether she was right to follow her dreams and not “be there to catch him” is a constant thought throughout the book. The thought isn’t resolved, but this is why the book works. Real trauma is messy, and it often leaves permanent emotional scars.
Why Dear Trauma is more than just a straightforward survival story is its focus on the psychological aftermath. Eichorn recounts the night her ex attempted to kill her and then explores what it means to live with that memory. The recurring nightmares, the dissonance of surviving violence while not feeling like a “victim,” and the struggle to reconcile strength with vulnerability are some of the book’s most interesting themes. In fact, her surviving her ex-boyfriend’s attempt to shoot her — “Hadn’t I just won that fight?”— is striking. She challenges the idea of victimhood and forces us to think about how we label survivors of domestic abuse. Are they still victims? After all, they won the fight.
Equally powerful are the family dynamics. The responses she receives from those closest to her are unsupportive and even damaging. A grandmother’s public comment suggesting she should have treated her abuser better reveal a generational pattern of limiting beliefs and misplaced blame.
Eichorn’s observation that “nobody wanted to hear how this limited mindset had been poisoning the women in our family for generations” broadens the scope of the memoir. It’s part of a larger, inherited framework that discourages autonomy, particularly for women.
Sadly, there’s also a persistent thread of self-blame that runs through the book. Lines like “Why couldn’t I have just loved him instead of leaving?” are difficult to read. Still, the book doesn’t necessarily endorse this thinking; it just lays it out for what it is… a harmful but human response.
Amid all this, Dear Trauma is also about reclaiming agency. Eichorn’s declaration—“All I did was choose me, because in my life, I get to do that”—is a turning point. Her desire for more (travel, growth, a life beyond “servitude”) becomes a form of resistance against both her past relationship and the expectations placed on her by family.
The memoir also touches on healing practices, particularly meditation, which Eichorn credits with helping her process her trauma. While this could feel cliché in another context, here it feels necessary. She doesn’t offer it as a cure-all; it’s just one of the many tools she uses in her ongoing journey.
The most thought-provoking insight in the book, though, is a statement on humanity: “The majority of humanity is not inherently bad, nor is it inherently good.” This perspective clearly reflects her experience, especially in how she continues to grieve her ex despite everything. Her ex is not reduced to a villain, which makes the story all the more unsettling.
Ultimately, Dear Trauma is a raw, unfiltered exploration of survival and self-definition. Don’t expect easy answers or comforting resolutions. This is simply how one woman emerged from the trauma of domestic violence and an attempt on her life.
Buy the book on Amazon.
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