UNDERGROUND VOICES: FICTION
Three Thimbles Full of Chinese at the Bar the Other Night
Three nights back, I went walking in the hot mug of Bangkok's swollen night blast. I roamed through the carnival shots of neon confetti and sweltering
Now there was a bar; drooling its beer and queer- gummy shoulders at me. Three seats, a man with a crow falling out of his head and the statue of time swept the floors. I sat at the bar.
Another woman arrived and she too sat at the bar, next to me, like Saturday eying Sunday – we smiled.
She reached into her purse and pulled out three Chinese acrobats. So it was…
She ordered a Naked Sasquatch and withdrew three cigarettes the size of ants; they were for the Chinese. The Sasquatch was stirring. The drink arrived shortly after I noticed her thighs – they were shimmering like diamond puddles. Tattooed, was a map of the names of all her lovers, linked by an endless chain. So it is…
The Naked Sasquatch came with an umbrella, which the woman pulled from the cup and drove into the counter top. She buried it into the grain until it could stand on its own. And the Chinese dove under it like deer. Finally, I asked her what she was doing with these miniature people.
"I got them in Beijing. Or rather, they fled, with me. See, they were part of an experiment the Chinese government was doing. They were shrinking people. They're all shrinking. Anyways, they had a tour guide at the facility that was conducting the experiments and I decided to join. Well, they got these three acrobats down to the size of a fucking thimble, next thing I know is that alarms are going off and people are freaking out. It seemed they'd lost the chinks. So, we (the tour group) were all led out the exits. When I got back to my hotel, I found three small Chinese acrobats in my pocket. And they were fucking like champions."
I nearly squealed when she said that last part. I was so enthused I ordered a Naked Sasquatch.
Then I asked, "Why are the Chinese government making small people?"
"Isn't it obvious? They ran out of space. They ran out of food and they're taking up too much of everything, nowadays. So, they compensated. With size. See, with a person standing at a few inches tall, a plate of food for one 'regular'…" And she made quotation marks with her fingers. "…sized person can feed a thousand of them tiny suckers." She stated.
The group was comprised of two men and one woman. One of the men seemed to be the alpha male, he had a nice mustache, a large round buttocks, a big careless chest and sensitive grin. The other seemed more pensive but equal in physical strength. I noticed him to be more flexible with his role and/or position among the group. I quickly noted that he is the glue to keeping the three together peacefully, for the woman is a tigress and a greedy lunatic, to boot. So it is…
My eyes couldn't stop staring at them, they were so lively and rambunctious, I didn't know how to act at all. I felt like a goof. I ordered another Naked Sasquatch. So it is…
Some time walked away for awhile, then it came back. The small ones had been sleeping. They were waking up now; five minutes must be all they need, I thought.
They awoke, and quickly undressed.
Then, the woman spoke, "Oh, here we go again…the fucking. These three move up and down like a seismograph in the asshole of a volcano."
I nodded at them and winked through the glass of my Naked Sasquatch. So it is…
We both watched the trio with gentle interest, as if judging figure skaters; we focused on every move and waited for those moments of sheer excellence. It was oddly familiar and shamefully erotic. We both ordered another Sasquatch. So it is.
The trio performed without pride or shame. It was easier that way, for everyone. They were a wild bunch; flipping around, this way and that, it was a real show. I nearly applauded at certain moments. When they finished, they lit their miniature cigarettes and lay down, nonchalantly, on the counter.
The woman next to me grabbed one peanut from the mix and took a small pin-knife and a makeup kit from her purse. She laid the peanut on the small plate of glass from her kit and began to slice the nut delicately, like a dentist, or something. The acrobats ate it up. How wonderful. After that, not much happened.
I pulled my arms up and relaxed out the door with a silly smile. I made it home and into bed. The fan is broken and my head is spinning around. It's been days and I still can't sleep. Perhaps I'll go to China, I think. So it is.
© 2008 Underground Voices