M.W.HAMEL

Effective Weight Loss

          Jenny had tried everything, but nothing seemed to work. She had tried
exercising regularly, eating healthy, and all the other things the average
human does to lose weight. No matter what she tried the reading on the scale
remained the same. It was because of all this that Jenny chose the only
option left to her in the pursuit of a thinner body. She had to force
herself to vomit.

          Jenny had it all worked out. She would eat less than two hundred calories
for breakfast to get her metabolism going. She continued to exercise
regularly but wouldn't consume any other food for the rest of the day. She
weighed herself constantly, relishing in every drop. Sometimes in the
morning the scale would jump up a pound or two. This made her more
determined to stop eating.

          The vomiting part came in when she had to eat, such as at family gatherings
or out with friends. She would consume until full and then excuse herself to
the bathroom, where she would kneel in front of the toilet and shove two
fingers down her throat. Vomiting became such a common thing that it was
almost like an after dinner mint. It was expected.

          Jenny wasn't fat. But when she sat down and exhaled there was a visible
belly. Her desire was to slouch and have one continuous, unbulgy line down
her whole stomach, uninterrupted at the waistband by any overhang of flesh.
The only setback in this goal came when she had to eat.

          Sometimes, late at night, with her stomach growling, Jenny would slip
downstairs and microwave all kinds of food and eat until her stomach was
bursting. She would then proceed to the bathroom, kneel down in front of the
toilet, and shove two fingers down her throat. Gradually, she learned to
massage the back of her throat in just the right way to begin the vomiting.
She also learned that the trick was not to swallow after the initial wave
but to keep on working those two fingers. If she swallowed she would have to
begin the ordeal all over again. It was best to get as much out at once as
possible.

          Jenny was still required to eat at the kitchen table with her parents.
Whenever she ate in this situation the only thought on her mind was how soon
she would be able to puke. Every moment she sat there gave more time for the
food in her stomach to be digested. It was imperative that she purged
herself as quickly as possible before any calories could be stored away by
her body.

          Jenny didn't have a psychological aversion to food-she loved to eat. She
enjoyed tasting food and stuffing herself. She had a healthy appetite, it
was just that most of that appetite ended up being flushed down the toilet.
She would go for a whole day without consuming anything and then in the
morning gorge on a breakfast large enough for three people. But inevitably,
she would head straight to the bathroom after eating. She loved food but
didn't want the effects of it.

          Her weight fluctuated by a few pounds everyday, going up and down, so she
disciplined herself even more. No one in her family seemed to notice. She
stood in front of the mirror several times a day, at first disgusted by her
stomach and then slowly coming to admire it. Jenny could see the change
happening. As her weight decreased her spirits increased. She became more
confident and thus more attractive. Guys began to notice her at school. The
only thing she wasn't willing to show them was the image of her leaning over
the toilet with two fingers down her throat.

          Jenny continued vomiting until she reached the shape and weight she wanted.
She did not look emaciated but appeared to be an attractive and healthy
young woman. She kept vomiting to maintain the desired weight she had
achieved through discipline and self-denial.

          Jenny heard and read about anorexia, bulimia, and other things like that in
her health class, but she never made a connection to herself. It was
true--Jenny didn't have a disease or an eating disorder, just a desire to
stay thin. And who can blame a young girl for that?











2005 Underground Voices