For The Love Of Oona

High noon at Kroger
A 60-year-old

Grosse Pointe Woods man
Was arrested for shoplifting

In excess of one hundred dollars
Assault and battery

And attempting to flee
The scene of a crime.

Police said the suspect
Loaded up a shopping cart

With four 12-packs of Guinness Draught beer
Valued at $58.78

Angus steaks
Valued at $99.18

Multiple packages of jumbo shrimp
Valued at $103.89

Four bottles of Cook’s Grand Reserve champagne
Valued at $28.98

Multiple cases of Red Bull
Valued at $103.99

A box of Trojan condoms
Valued at $18.39

And a pack of Zestra Feminine Arousal Fluid
Valued at $25.99

When the suspect exited without paying
A Kroger loss prevention officer
Confronted him

The suspect
Pushed the cart into the officer
Knocked over flower shelves

And pushed other shopping carts
In the officer’s direction

As he attempted to flee
Police cruisers

Responding to the call
Cut off the suspect’s escape

In the parking lot of Kroger
The suspect was tackled

By four responding policemen
And after a brief struggle

Was tasered
And taken into custody

As he was dragged
To the rear of a police cruiser

The suspect was heard
To cry out

About doing it all

For the love of Oona
And that was all

He was able to say
Before the officers

Tasered him
Just once more

To make sure
He was amenable to his fate

Born in Detroit, Steven Gulvezan has worked as a journalist and library director. He continues to live in the Detroit area with his wife, Karen and his dog, Yogi. His book, The Dogs of Paris, is forthcoming from March Street Press.

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