a war of attrition

caught here in the trappings
of the next big music act
from sweden
wondering which suicide is this

and how i always wanted my
death to be romantic, epic,
truly what everyone would call
"a moment"

but i've painfully learned over
the years that this life
is a war of attrition
and nothing beautiful comes from war
no matter how blind my
mind's eye truly is

misery keeps me company anymore
at a mere dollar a glass

i must have caught the bartender
in a mood or she can
smell the desperation as plainly
as i wear it

we'll close this joint down tonight

the after hours though, will be
in the hands of a god that has
clearly given up on me
or it's another case of the joke
being something
over my head completely

either is possible
but now is not the time

there are glasses that
need to be refilled

chocolate cake for breakfast

i realized today that i no
longer have the capacity
to give a shit about anything

i stumbled upon this realization
while slicing myself a piece
of chocolate cake for breakfast

and while eating it slowly,
savoring each bite

the phone was ringing
the cats were in need of water
and there was plenty of snow
to be shoveled

yet i was pretending i was nero
marching to my own drummer
as reality crumbles around me

i'll gladly waste me time choking
on the dreams of high stakes poker
games in vegas and all the hot
moms i'd like to fuck,
i thought to myself as my fork scraped
up the crumbs from the plate

eventually, i did pick up the
phone though

old habits die hard

but i'm pretty sure that telemarketer
would have preferred to get the machine

for i imagine his ear is still
ringing from the wrath of my
newborn decadence

green river killer

48 women dead

48 women i'll never fuck

you would think i
would be
angry about that

but i'm not

instead i'm thankful
for the 48 rejections spared

J.J. Campbell (b. 1976) lives, writes and dies a little each day in the state
of Ohio. He's widely published in the small press, most recently in Spent
Meat, Zygote In My Coffee, Fearless, Open Wide Magazine and Unlikely Stories.
J.J. also has been included in a number of chapbooks, anthologies and a spoken
word project. You can contact him via email at jcampb4593@aol.com

2003 Underground Voices